Half
by jbmaunier
Summary: Because half my heart is all I can give. Taemin/Minho/Kai
1. Chapter 1

**Taemin**

_That lord whose hand must take my plight shall carry  
Half my love with him, half my care and duty._

-Cordelia, _King Lear_

* * *

_We'll always be together. _

Taemin still remembers his vow, whispered in the darkness as he lay beside his brother. Together, they had huddled beneath the threadbare blankets, holding each other's hand for warmth and comfort. The words had fallen easily from his lips, back when they had needed nothing but each other.

* * *

Though he was a mere two minutes younger, Jongin had always been twice as strong, twice as brave, and twice as quiet whenever their intoxicated father lashed out in anger. They looked enough alike that their father never noticed, though Taemin doubted he cared which son he hit; the only thing he had ever cradled lovingly was his liquor bottle.

It was not only their father that Jongin shielded him from. No one, not schoolyard bullies nor lecherous old men could lay a hand on him as long as Jongin was beside him.

_Does it hurt? _Taemin would ask, knowing that it did. Though Jongin bore the marks and bruises, Taemin could feel his pain through their bond.

_Not really _Jongin would reply, flashing a quick, reassuring smile. _I'm okay as long as you are._

But Taemin knew he wasn't okay, not really. The nightmares would plague him almost every night, leaving him sweating, shivering, sometimes even screaming. Yet Taemin could do nothing but hold him through the night, sending prayers to the stars plastered to the ceiling.

* * *

His prayers were answered when their mother won custody. She had found a steady job and had showered them with affection as she welcomed them to her small but tidy apartment. They had finally escaped, could look to the future without fear or worry.

But Jongin could neither forget nor forgive her for abandoning them. Taemin could see the tightness in his eyes whenever their mother spoke to him, could feel him stiffen whenever she wrapped her loving arms around him.

_You should be nicer to her, you know_ Taemin said as he rubbed a towel through his brother's damp hair.

_We would have been fine without her _Jongin snapped.

_Would we? _Taemin replied softly, running his fingers over his brother's scar-riddled his back. He still remembered the sight of Jongin lying amongst shards of glass, blood blooming on his t-shirt after another beating from their father.

Eyes flashing with anger, Jongin jumped to his feet and pushed him aside. _She wasn't there when you needed her most. I was. _

It was the truth. His brother had always taken his share of the burden without complaint, but there was only so much a child can endure before breaking. And deep down, Taemin knew that Jongin was irreparably broken, a mess of shattered glass.

* * *

The distance between them grew as Taemin buried himself in school and work. The link between them weakened to the point where he could no longer read his brother's mind with a single glance. He was too busy to bother with Jongin's mood swings. After being promoted from dishwasher to barista at an upscale café downtown, he had bigger things to worry about, things like Choi Minho.

Taemin was drawn to him the moment he walked through the door, a laptop in one hand and a stack of blueprints in the other. He had seen his fair share of wealthy businessmen and chattering trophy wives at the café, but Minho was the only one who had not allowed his status to surmount him. Despite his apparent affluence, everything, from his thank you's to his easy smiles, was delivered with complete sincerity.

So Taemin was a little disappointed when Minho ordered two espressos instead of one, the Sunday morning after a month of brief exchanges that had left him craving for more.

_Are you expecting someone? _he asked, glancing around at the empty café.

_Perhaps _Minho answered with a grin, gesturing to the seat across from him. _If he'd care to join me._

They talked about anything and everything, from Minho's adventures as an architecture student in France to Taemin's less riveting tales of high school life and brewing coffee.

That day, the first spark had flown, reigniting the dying embers in his heart that his brother had left behind.

* * *

It was love. Taemin was sure of it.

The months flew by, spent sipping bubble tea beneath the sun and stealing kisses in the shade. They would work side by side, Taemin on his algebra and Minho on his grand plans to expand his father's hotel empire.

_I have something to show you._

It was the day before Minho's flight back to Paris. It did not matter where they went, as long as they could spend these last few hours together. Together, they sat by the river watching the sky fade to indigo, the dying sun sending a fiery eulogy across the waves.

Suddenly, a burst of light bloomed above them. Fireworks of all shapes and colours filled the sky, their splendour mirrored in the water below.

_It's so beautiful _Taemin whispered. _And wonderful and magical and _

Grinning, Minho bent and silenced him with his lips. Taemin kissed him back, and for that one moment of ecstasy, he had forgotten his brother completely.

* * *

_Come with me_.

They had been sprawled across the silken sheets, rays of sunshine warming their bare skin. Minho's eyes had been filled with the same inextinguishable longing that tugged at his own heart. Taemin could imagine their life together; walking down cobbled streets with buttery croissants in their hands until nightfall, the Tower lit like a beacon in the starry sky.

_How?_ he had asked, breathless with hope.

_I'll get you a spot at the university and you can live at my place._

Taemin had paused. It was too easy, having all his dreams fulfilled within the space of a heartbeat. After a lifetime of hardships, he could not believe that he was having happiness handed to him on a silver tray.

_Please _Minho had murmured. And Taemin had nodded, unable to resist the promise in his lingering kiss.

* * *

His delusions ended the day he found the week-old envelope in the trash can. The acceptance letter and plane ticket were ripped to shreds.

_You had no right! _Taemin shouted, hurling the scraps of paper at his brother.

_He's playing with you._

_He loves me!_

His brother let out a harsh, humourless laugh. _You call that love? Would he give up everything to keep you safe? Would he protect you even if the pain was unbearable? _

Taemin watched in horror as he grabbed the letter opener lying on the table, slashing it across his arm. Blood flowed freely from the wound, dripping down to his fingertips.

_Would he die for you? _

He dropped to his knees, taking Taemin's hand in his own, just as he had when they were children. It was the first time Taemin had seen him cry since the day their mother had left them, ten bitter years ago.

_He can take anything from me. Anything but you. _

Taemin felt his own cheeks, wet with tears he had not meant to shed. He was wrong. The intrinsic bond between them never had been, and never would be broken.

_Epilogue_

Cordelia was a liar.

She had sworn to love her husband with half her heart, yet she had rushed to her father's rescue knowing that she may not return. Because blood is thicker than water_._ Because it is impossible to love two people equally.

In the end, she had chosen to die in the darkness beside her father. Two birds trapped in a cage of their own, singing for no one but each other.

And as much as he hated to admit it, Taemin too, was a liar.

Just like her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Kai**

_Doubt thou the stars are fire;_

_Doubt that the sun doth move;_

_Doubt truth to be a liar;_

_But never doubt I love._

– Hamlet, _Hamlet_

* * *

He learns of the word from his mother.

His earliest memories are painted in broad strokes of vibrant colors. He can never discern the exact time and place, only the echoes of tinny laughter and a montage of beaming faces.

_Love is happiness_, his mother whispers into his hair, and in that moment, he believes her.

He learns of its devastation from his father.

His most vivid memories – the ones haunting his nightmares – are accentuated with sharp flashes of pain which then fades to black. Sometimes he traces the scars on his back, wondering exactly how he received a particular one. Most of the time, he wills himself to forget.

_Love is nothing but pain_, his father slurs brokenly, and when the whisky bottle shatters against his skin, he can't help but agree.

He learns of its spell from a stranger.

His most recent memories are colored blue and green with cloying loneliness and blinding envy. He loses track of the hours he spends waiting by his brother's door; he must have spent days – no, weeks, vying for a glimpse of a familiar silhouette. The thought of his brother fading out of his life sends a pain so acute to his chest that it brings him crashing to his knees. Collapsed in the corner of the hallway, he sees two shadows stretched by the setting sun: one he recognizes, one he does not. He hears his brother's quiet murmur intermingled with the rumble of the stranger's voice and he strains to catch the last vestiges of conversation.

_Love is being unable to look away_, the strange voice says with feeling, and as he watches the stranger's lips descend upon his brother's, he'd give anything for it to be untrue.

He learns of its worth from his brother.

His happiest memories are tinted sepia with warmth and tenderness. He can recall the exact moment in which each occurs, complete with the minutest of details. He collects them jealously and only revisits them in his darkest hours, lest they become dull with wear. He can clearly see the light that dances in his brother's eyes and the smile that plays upon his brother's lips. He sees, too, the unshed tears and trembling hands as his brother cradles his broken body.

_Love is sacrifice_, he tells his brother in a voice too solemn for a boy of ten, _it is the willingness to give up your own happiness so someone else may have theirs._

He learns of its truth by himself.

Kai used to think himself a good person – a long, long time ago. He used to be a good son and an even better brother. He likes to think that when his mother left Taemin and him behind with their wreck of a father, he had the moral high ground to hold them in contempt.

For being so selfish.

As a child, Kai used to think that what his parents held was a poor facsimile of what love truly is. After all, how can someone stand to hurt those they claim to love? He knows he would do anything to keep Taemin smiling, even if it means he has to bite back his own tears.

Because love is selfless.

But it's a lie.

Kai feels the crippling pain ripple through him every time Taemin smiles his phantom smile – the one which is so sweet and lovesick that Kai can hardly bear to look. He feels a frantic edge, an irrational yet gripping fear, when he sees a hefty envelope bearing the insignia of a foreign university addressed to his brother. He feels a rush of euphoria and relief when his brother's hands clutch at his shoulders, the unspoken promise to stay etched into his skin. He sees the dullness in his brother's eyes and the defeated slump of his brother's shoulder but chooses not to acknowledge the cracks.

_Love is selfish_, he thinks, but with Taemin's hand in his, he cannot bring himself to let go.


End file.
